Stuffed Little Puppy

by Dora Rumbold

I keep a stuffed little puppy by my side when I go to sleep at night

She’s been my best friend since I was four

When my dad bought her from Toy Dreams at Strathcona Square

She was a tiny little chihuahua with a hole in her back but I loved her very dearly

My dad did his best to sew her up, and on days when the world feels like too much

I trace my fingers over the messy brown stitches, asking myself

How did we get here?

I even brought her to my first Show and Tell in kindergarten

Proudly showing her off in her hot pink fluffy sweater

I remember the day I dropped her in the toilet and my mom found me crying in the bathroom

She fished her out and threw her in the washing machine while I waited for her to be clean

I remember when my stuffed little puppy was there

The first time I was admitted to the psych ward

She kept me safe and I held on her tightly

But she had so much love to give

I had to share her with the others

Held by the hands of patients whose wrists had deep wounds

My stuffed little puppy would come to life

Giving them kisses on the nose and whispering to them

You’ve made it this far my friend

See what happens if you keep going!

She said those words to me when I cried in my bed while I was on vacation with a friend

The day I realized what he did to me

She sat beside my head while my tears rained over the pillow

Speaking to me softly

Giving a kiss on my nose

My stuffed little puppy repeated

It’s not your fault

It’s not your fault

You’ve made it this far my friend

See what happens if you keep going!

She kissed my nose again

It will never be your fault.